Happy birthday Mom

I am a vat or moral conflict lately.

Not just moral but spiritual as well.

Also, today is my moms bday. She would have been 70 and I cannot see past that. I cannot get my head to accept that she could have been 70- I assume because she couldn’t be, since she’s dead.

But there’s something eerie about the obviousness of that statement. Something humming a haunting tune of my mother frozen in time at the age of 59- young. Still alive. Still near and so fucking far away. Like a dream you cannot remember….but will not forget having.

In four days she will be dead again. Five days after that I will be on the front porch of the little house, holding her urn and at the same time…. calling her to tell her that my garden is blooming-

and I will ask the question that dismantled my life-

What do I believe?

  1. #1 by artzbaglady on March 26, 2015 - 5:02 pm

    lots of love, hugs, and faith to you. There is no timelimit on loving our mothers. I was never around my birthmother a lot, gone, sick, etc. but what I choose to remember is all good.

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